…of your EGO and be happy!
I’m happy to announce that I am officially done with my book proposal! The chapter that I submitted with this book proposal is titled My Happy Heart. In it, I discuss my path to finding true inner happiness. One way I did this was to eliminate my EGO, or Edging Out God as Dr. Dyer says. Below is an excerpt from this chapter that deals with this.
The seven key points that Dr. Dyer outlines in this chapter for Overcoming Ego’s Hold on You are listed here with some of my experiences when I lived through my ego.
1. Stop being offended. I used to be one that immediately believed every word others said about me and to me. I would become offended at the drop of a hat. What I remember most was that I would easily become agitated and annoyed at others who directed their beliefs towards me, and also those who simply did not take in my argument as the truth. Now, I simply do not listen to negative comments about me. That really is none of my business.
2. Let go of the need to win. Early on when I filed for divorce, I knew going in that one of the possibilities was that he could have wiped me financially clean. Under California law, he had every right to take more from me because I was the breadwinner. Spousal support and my retirement savings were at stake. I wanted to “win” my divorce. In terms of the outcome, I wished that everything would go in my favor so that he would not come out on top. In the end, I won. The financial aspect of this divorce did not leave me in an economic shamble as I heard and worried so much about from others who have even had to declare bankruptcy. In fact, my true winning came with all this actually concluding. I finally had closure with this and this was my true victory.
3. Let go of the need to be right. I used to have to be right in many arguments. One that stands out was a discussion I had with a friend on saving money for a child’s education. I was adamant to have her see that saving money for your child’s education was essential; she felt otherwise. The fact that she did not see it as I did made me furious. It made for a very quiet evening afterwards. She had every right to have her opinion. We all do. The difference for me now is that I respect what others think and none of us are right. I also do not impose my beliefs on anyone. This is not a necessity when one’s actions, or presence, and even silence, can speak for themselves.
4. Let go of the need to be superior. “I am so much better than others,” is something that I’d tell myself only a few years back. My education alone made me feel so much more than so many people. I had very little humility, if any. Now, I identify with all beings as coming from the Divine Source and this makes us one and equal regardless of our education and backgrounds. I’d often tell my adult ESL students, “El hecho de que yo esté enfrente de ustedes no significa que soy más que ustedes. Aquí todos somos iguales.” To which it can be translated as, “Just because I am standing in front of all of you does not make me a greater person that any of you. We are equal here.” I listen to everyone as I have learned from so many and I continue to learn. In my opinion, everyone walking on this planet is our teacher.
5. Let go of the need to have more. When I was in Spain, my friends and me decided to take a trip to Paris. During our stay there, we went to the Eiffel Tower and like true tourists, we all wanted to buy souvenirs right there by the tower, which, not surprisingly, were extremely overpriced. A rather simple, black, canvas purse with the word Paris written all over in silvery, glittery letter along with the picture of the Eiffel Tower in white caught my attention. My friend asked me, “You really aren’t thinking about buying that purse, are you?” And I responded, “I’m considering it.” To which she then said, “You can buy that purse at just about any store over in the States for less than half the price.” “Really?” I said in a sarchastic tone. I became very irritated that she had said this. I bought it that day and it was only to prove to her that I had the money to buy whatever I wanted I had the money and she didn’t. Never once did I use it in four years because I never did like it and it just didn’t grow on me. I winded up donating it to Goodwill. I know it found its place. What a difference from how I see this now. That black purse was only the first of many donations that I would make to simplify my life. Now, I really only have basic necessities (and my laptop of course) and I am more than happy with this.
6. Let go of identifying on the basis of your achievements. “I’m so much smarter than so many other people.” What horrendous and self-righteous remark! My concept of intelligence was equated to the number of degrees that one had. Imagine that! Back then, I really did tell myself, “I have two Master’s degrees. Need I say more?” A person’s success and worth for me was measured by how many degrees he or she had and also by the material possessions one had (house, car, etc.). What a heartbreaking concept and point of view I had then. Now, all the identity that I’ll ever need and my true success is that I am happy, at peace, and filled with love and joy. This is our divine and natural state. Everything else is secondary to me.
7. Let go of your reputation I learned that our egos love to listen to what others think and say about us. In the midst of my divorce, I didn’t want anyone to know about it because I was so afraid of being judged by others. “What are others going to say about me?” Slowly, I started to think that my happiness was my sole responsibility and no one else’s. For this reason alone, I started to not worry about what others thought or said about me. Also, Dr. Dyer once said in the Ellen De Generes show, “What others say or think about me is really none of my business.” Of course, I adopted this saying. This can be a sure way to let go of living with your reputation.
Could this be what you need to find your true inner happiness?
Thank you to all those who have been reading my posts, commenting, and liking my posts!
Much happiness to all of you!